


Whispers in the Library

by TentativeTreason



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mentions of Tenth Doctor, Pre-Episode: s04e08 Silence in the Library, Space Wives, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-29 19:17:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18300353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TentativeTreason/pseuds/TentativeTreason
Summary: Shortly before the events of Silence in the Library, the Doctor and River re-unite and remind each other the meaning of being married to a time traveller.Team Tardis try to help the Doctor deal with being re-united with her wife, while also coming to terms themselves with the fact that the Doctorhasa wife.****“So, River you said earlier that you were married, what’s your husband like? Who is he?”Out of the corner of her eye, Yaz saw the immediate reaction her question had; the Doctor stilled. River, herself though, lit up in response.“Well, to start he’s a time traveller, like all of us I guess. He travels worlds, the galaxies, the stars finding civilisations in trouble and saves them. They sing stories of his heroics, theDoctorin his big blue box.”Graham, across the other side of the fire choked on his drink, spluttering the contents everywhere, much to the disgust of Proper Dave, who sat beside him.“Did you just saythe Doctor?!”****





	Whispers in the Library

A tranquil feeling came over the new members of Team Tardis as the TARDIS came to a shuddering halt, the now-familiar screech of the ship echoing slightly in the control room. Yaz, Ryan and Graham each reached to grab hold of a stable surface, preemptively, to help steady themselves.

The three humans had been travelling with the Doctor for a few months now, or what was the time-travelling version of a few months; having stopped only infrequently in Sheffield for changes of clothes and once, rather memorably, Ryan’s bicycle. 

Yaz and Ryan caught eyes smirking as Graham’s voice echoed from his corner of the control room, “Why can the landing never be smooth?” 

The Doctor’s head popped out from under the TARDIS console, her blonde her sticking out from the side of a very large set of goggles that were perched lopsidedly on her head. 

“I wouldn’t be mean to the TARDIS, Graham, the Old Girl’s sensitive!”, the whirling sounds around them intensified. The Doctor scrambled up and started rubbing the main console soothingly.

She gave a pointed look in his direction.

“ _She_?”

“Yes, Graham, she. And I would have you know, that was a smooth landing for her! Wasn’t it, Sexy?” The cadence of her voice became softer, with the end of her sentence being directed more towards the electronic circuit board.

Yaz’s smirk broadened to a full-blown smile as the man mumbled grumpily, but admittedly more quietly. “Listen, Doc. I know you can’t compare an alien spaceship to a bus, but I can tell you, you never got those kind of noises coming from my bus. It doesn’t sound healthy.”

“Well, fam, healthy or not, when have any of you seen a bus that gives you biscuits when you want one?” To emphasise her point, a ding sounded and a Rich Tea biscuit fell from the console dispenser straight onto the floor.

Stepping over the crumbs, the Doctor bounced from the console towards the door in a flurry, her coat flailing out after her. Stopping suddenly she spun and smiling towards the all of them with Yaz and Graham bumping into each other at the sudden halt.

“Aaaannndd, does a bus take you to 2098 Orambutan where trees sing to you if you water them-?” The silence answered for them, “-I didn’t think so.”

Ryan stumbled out the TARDIS doors after them, grabbing the biscuit from the floor as he went. He couldn’t help but question.

“So, where did you say we were again?”

****

Orambutan turned out to have trees that not only sung when fed water, but also ones that threw large tantrums when you stopped watering them.

As a result, Team Tardis headed back towards the blue box featuring several new branch cuts and splinters.

“Look, gang. I know that wasn’t exactly the relaxing ‘vacay’ that we’re thinking of-“

Ryan scoffed interrupting, clearly amused at the obvious understatement, “Neither were the ninja turtle armies, or the dogs that were selling human fingers for profit, or the boat tour which was meant for amphibious species not us air-breathing humans. Were those the relaxing holidays we were promised, Doctor?... Doctor?”

In his slight rant, neither he, Yaz nor Graham had noticed the Doctor come to a halt several meters back. What he saw when he looked back filled his heart with fear. His stomach dropped. For never had he seen the Doctor look as anguished as she did right then.

Anguished wasn’t even the word. Ryan didn’t think he could articulate a word that could describe the turmoil in the Doctor’s face right now. Not just because he failed his English GCSE, although he supposed that didn’t help, but because he’s never seen such a range of hopelessness and devastation in someone’s eyes before.

He didn’t ever think the words ‘hopeless’ or ‘devastation’ would belong in the same sentence as the Doctor, let alone be used to describe her.

Throughout all their adventures, even in the most dire situations, the Doctor always gave them hope. She always had a positive word of optimism to bring, a new angle to tackle a situation and a strong determination that could never be defeated.

This Doctor, the one behind them, was a new side of her he’d never seen.He need to help her, find out why she looked like that. _Help her_.

He turned bewildered to Yaz, who, like the Doctor, always seemed so self-assures and always knew what to do.

Evidently sharing his sentiments, Yaz took an instinctive step back towards her, a hand slightly outstretched, “Doctor?”

Graham, searching for the root of the problem, swivelled round trying to identify what had caused such an unusual reaction. But all he could see was a group of six humanoids (‘ _humans? Or not humans?_ ’ He’d been learning to question species of human-looking life forms early on... probably brought by the forked-tongue elderly woman who’d tried to eat him during their third trip, but who’s to say?) packing up a small ship. 

At the side of the group was a tall woman, clearly the leader, with a mass of blonde curly hair tied at the top. She wore dark, tight fitting trousers with a gun strapped to her right leg and was directing the group over to the cargo that clearly was intended to be loaded onto the ship.

Three of the group, a woman and two men, stood a little to the side sniggering slightly as they watched a younger, pretty girl pick up a stack of items while an older man scrambled over to her rapidly, shouting. “No, no, no! Miss Evangelista put them down! I don’t want you breaking anything!”

“But I want to help!”

“If you want to help take these papers and memorise the top paragraph. They’re the T&Cs for joining the Lux corporation, every bit as important as loading the ship.”

 He looked relieved when the girl nodded eagerly back at him and reached for the papers.

Coming back to the situation in hand, however; Graham turned back to see Yaz gently talking to the Doctor who, alarmingly, was beginning to tear up.

“Are you alright over there?” He started and span back round to see the leader of the group standing directly infront of him, staring concernedly over at the Doctor’s pale face.

In her hands were a stack of what appeared to be modern spacesuits, folded up. The corresponding visors were perched atop or some boxes in a pile behind her, to the left of the spaceship.

The woman’s voice clearly jolted the Doctor out of whatever trance she was in. And she shook her head, like a dog would shake out water from its fur and croaked out a meek response.

“N-no, nothing is wrong. I just thought I recognised someone.”

Her voice was almost strangled and it was clearly a lie, but nobody outright wanted to contradict her.

Yaz glanced back and forth between the unknown woman and the Doctor suspiciously. Her police instincts were blaring. Clearly something about his woman was upsetting the Doctor. Something was going on here, she just needed to know what.

The Doctor’s distress was becoming more obvious, as she alternated between steadfastly avoiding looking at the woman directly and drinking the very sight of her in with her eyes.

The woman merely raised a solitary eyebrow, entirely unconvinced, responding, “Right.”

She scanned the group individually, eyes lingering on their obviously out-of-time choice of clothing.

“What are you packing up for?” 

Ryan, ever the inquisitive, took the opportunity to learn something new and hopefully to distract the Doctor from whatever was wrong.

“My team and I-“, she glanced slightly back at the mismatched team working behind her, ”are going on an expedition tomorrow to the 51st century. We’re just preparing our ship for it.”

“An expedition? What, like, a rescue mission or to look at rocks and stuff?... Are you one of those space explorers or something?” 

The woman smile, a sly almost secretive smile, eyes far away for a moment.

“Aiming for the latter, but always love the first. That and a whole lot of running. It’s the best time for to get a good flirt on.” She checked both Yaz and the Doctor out, with a leering grin, before turning back to the group.

“I’m Professor River Song, archaeologist.”

****

This was usually the time where the Doctor would chime in. Rambling quickly about everything under the sun, often nothing to do with what was going on with the conversation. But uncharacteristically she remained silent, staring at the blonde woman with slight awe. Almost drinking in the sight of the woman.

After the silence had gone on slightly too long to be natural, with the gang looking back towards their de facto leader, Yaz finally cleared her throat and took charge of the situation.

“Well, I’m Yazmin Khan. My friends call me Yaz. This is Ryan, Graham and the D-“

“Jane. Jane Smith. M-my name’s Jane Smith.”

Ryan looked confusedly at her and Yaz’s suspicions grew. In contrast, Graham outright blurted, “Doc-“

“ _Doctor_ Jane Smith.” The Doctor stared meaningfully at the three of them. Though what the meaning was, none of them could gather. But they all followed their common sense and played along.

“Doctor? Well, I always love a Doctor.” River evidently was not deterred by the slight oddness of the group and just let it flow around her, as though used to such oddities in her life.

Leering slightly, River continued, “I wouldn’t mind becoming acquainted with another Doctor though, especially one as beautiful as-“

“-I’m married.” The Doctor interrupted firmly.

“ _What_?!” The exclamation slipped out before Ryan knew it. He glanced back at Yaz and Graham with his eyebrow raised as though asking ‘ _Did you know?_ ’, only to have his bewildered look mirrored back at him.

For in all of their travels together, they’d never heard the Doctor speak of a relationship let alone a spouse. They’d heard her mention nameless friends and companions aplenty but nothing remotely like a partner.

Yaz had a strong sense of déjà vu; this feeling of confusion was on par with the moment she realised her Grandmother, Umbreen, was getting married to a man that was not her Grandfather.

Yaz knew that the Doctor had lived a number of lives before she’d met them- several of them spent as a man she’d gathered- but a spouse was an important part of any life. And the fact that the Doctor hadn’t felt comfortable sharing that with them saddened her, ‘ _Maybe she just doesn’t trust us?_ ’

Yaz’s stomach tightened slightly at the thought.

She glanced over at Graham and felt realisation spread through her. Graham had a look of empathy on his face, one that couldn’t be mistaken for anything but a shared traumatic experience.

‘ _Oh._ ’

That lack of mention of her wife might not have had anything to do with trust. It might have had more to do with sorrow. ‘ _The Doctor just didn’t want to relive the pain of loosing her spouse... they must have died_.’

She couldn’t even imagine what that must have been like for the Doctor. But sharing a knowing look with Graham, she knew he did.

River decidedly chose to ignore Ryan’s exclamation and undeterred she mock-whispered back to the Doctor, “As am I. To a Doctor, in fact. But I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

Glancing down to River’s ring finger and back up the Doctor looked like an affronted puppy, spluttering slightly, “Well, I disagree, River-“

At River’s delighted look, she back-peddled, “Can I call you River? Or is Professor River Song? I wouldn’t want to be too familiar or anything. We can just stick with being friends. So what do your friends call you? River? Riv? Sing-Song? Fam? I call them my fam-“, gesturing vaguely behind her, her voice becoming more and more high pitched as the ramble built up steam, “I like fam, fam sounds cool. I like best friend too or-“

Graham started to feel almost embarrassed on the Doctor’s behalf, if he thought she could get embarrassed. Then again, he was starting to rethink the notion that she couldn’t.

Having had enough herself, River cut in, “You can call me what ever you like, _Doctor Smith_.”

The Doctor blushed slightly and her eyes dropped to the floor at River’s sultry tone. It had been a long time since her blood had heated like this, it may even be the first time since she (he?) died last. It had been too long since she’d seen her wife. And she was loving every moment she stole of the experience, even if she knew it couldn’t end in anything but grief.

“Besides, _Doctor_ Smith, I think that I know my husband a little better than you. And I know he wouldn’t want me to pass up the opportunity to meet new people and travel to new places. He’d want me to live a life full of excitement and love.”

The Doctor’s heart beat faster at the comment, for of course that’s what she wanted for River, she just wished that the love and excitement could have come from living her life alongside her.

“With that in mind ‘fam’-“, it was almost impressive how River could verbalise derisive quotation marks without actually moving her hands or changing her expression,”- how about you join us tonight? For dinner. My team and I are just getting to know each other, it might be nice to have fellow time-tourists like yourselves join us. You never know, you might just enjoy yourself.”

River’s eyes sparkled, mirthful and flirty just like the Doctor remembered, so full of life that the Doctor knew she would never have been able to resist.

“Of course we’ll stay for dinner, you just try and stop us!” She proceeded to abruptly launch herself into motion. She passed the other three, grabbed the spacesuits from River’s hands and raced over to the spaceship in a flurry.

The three remaining members of Team Tardis paused a moment awkwardly, unsure of what to do, before Yaz’s mind caught up with what was just said. She pushed in-between Ryan and Graham slightly to get closer to the Professor.

“Hang on a minute. How do you know we’re ‘time’ tourists?”

River scoffed, “Darling please, I can spot a time-tourist with my eyes closed. No, seriously, there’s a smell they give off, certain pheromones. Intoxicating they are. And I can tell you, you’re all from the 21st century or at least look like you were there long enough to assimilate your clothes and body language. Now, would like some supper or not?”

****

Not long later, Team Tardis had all settled down and sat scattered around a campfire, between the various members of the expedition team. The campfire had been erected a short distance from the expedition space ship, the glow of the fire reflected slightly off the ship and gave a serene ambience to the evening.

Everyone had introduced themselves not long ago when Team Tardis started helping with the loading of the spaceship, before settling down with Orambutanian style food. 

“So your name’s Anita-“, Ryan pointed at the woman closest to him, a soft spoken and pretty black woman who nodded at his gesture.

“-and you’re Dave-“, he continued, speaking a little louder over the fire to get the attention of the black man with an Afro next to Anita.

“Actually, I’m Other Dave, he’s the ‘Proper Dave’ ‘cos he was here first and he’s the pilot so he got first dibs.” 

Ryan nodded, pausing slightly while he processed,” Right, okay, so you’re Other Dave-”, he pointed at the first man again,” and you’re ‘Proper Dave’? That right?”He gestured to the brunette sat in between Other Dave and Graham for confirmation.

Both Dave’s nodded simultaneously.

“And you’re Strackman Lux-“, Ryan pointed at the balding white man, who had his chest puffed our slightly with pride.

“I prefer _Mr_ Lux, if you will. My family is one with a historical one and I bear the name with pride. I’m funding this whole expedition into _my_ family’s library after all and I believe I deserve the respect my family has granted me.”

“Give it a rest, will you Mr Lux.” River interjected exasperatedly over his diatribe, turning from her conversation with Yaz and the Doctor.

Mr Lux’s face started growing red with indignation, “I will not gi-“

Diffusing the situation, as she was so used to doing whenever River Song was in the mix, the Doctor chimed in, ”I’m sure Ri-Professor Song meant no disrespect, what I think she meant to say was that, since we will all respect your wishes and call you Mr Lux, there’s no need to get into the semantics of why we should call you Mr Lux. Right, Professor?”

She turned expectantly towards River, her short blonde hair bobbed along with the motion.

“ _Yes_ , Mr Lux. That’s exactly what I meant.” The man in question humphed, unimpressed but turned back to his dinner accordingly.

“So that just leaves you, Miss Evangelista, right?”, Ryan smiled over at the remaining member, attempting to commit all the names to memory.

The young girl nodded hesitantly, glancing at the others almost as though she needed confirmation that her own name was correct.

“Well, it’s nice to meet all of you!”, Ryan grinned over at everyone, happy with his accomplishment of the day.

Yaz, using the lull in the conversation, tried to steer it towards answering the new mystery she was faced with. Why was the Doctor upset when she saw the woman, River Song?

She remembered the first step of her Police Training: make the ‘person of interest’ comfortable, so she reasoned, _Let’s ask her about her family, everyone likes talking about the people they love._

“So, River you said earlier that you were married, what’s your husband like? Who is he?”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the immediate reaction her question had; the Doctor stilled. River, herself though, lit up in response.

“Well, to start he’s a time traveller, like all of us I guess. He travels worlds, the galaxies, the stars finding civilisations in trouble and saves them. They sing stories of his heroics, the _Doctor_ in his big blue box.”

Graham, across the other side of the fire choked on his drink, spluttering the contents everywhere, much to the disgust of Proper Dave, who sat beside him.

“Did you just say _the Doctor_?!”

****

Ryan and Yaz had expressions of similar disbelief and the Doctor’s hearts dropped. How could she possibly explain to them the complexities of interfering in her own time stream and the detrimental effect it could have on the whole universe? Explain how she couldn’t tell the woman she loved most in the world who she was, no matter how much she wanted to.

“You’ve heard of him then?“, River questioned, clearly enjoying the audience reaction.

Ryan glanced over to Graham, in time to see him physically mouth the word ‘him?’ in confusion. Hearing stories of the Doctor being a man was one thing, but hearing casually voiced proof of it was clearly another.

“I’m not surprised, he’s saved Earth at least a dozen times in your century alone. You’ve had to have heard of him at least once. Which one was it that you heard of? The young one with the chin and bow tie? The Silver haired Scotsman? A different one? If so I’d love to hear about a different one.”

“Pffft, what on Orambutan are you talking about? How can there be more than one version of the same man? You’re delusional!”, Mr Lux interjected derisively.

“What part of he’s an alien did you not understand? His species just has the ability to change faces when they die. I’ve met many of his faces and I hope to have the privilege of meeting many more.”

As Team Tardis looked to the Doctor for an explanation, all she could offer was a stiff shake of the head and indecipherable eye contact.

The fire crackled softly in the background and there was a momentary quiet as everyone felt the impact of River’s heartfelt comment. The light of the fire had started dimming with the night, flickering in and out. At some point in the night, the members of Team Tardis, River Song and the Doctor had all huddled together on one side of the campfire, while the rest of the expedition team had slowly headed to their beds. The only other remaining expedition member, Mr Lux, had taken the break in conversation to stomp back to the ship, muttering about nonsense conversations as he did.

Knowing that the person River had just been speaking so passionately about was actually _sat right next to her_ , just with a blonde bob instead of what River had been used to, Yaz tentatively broke the silence and asked the question she was dying to know.

“What happened?”

She directed the question to River but glanced at the Doctor out of the corner of her eyes.

River’s brow furrowed minutely. “What do you mean? Nothing happened.”

Now it was Team Tardis’ turn for confusion. 

“What Yaz means is-“, Graham continued at her hesitation, “why isn’t sh- _he_ here with you?”

“Oh,” River’s demeanour sobered a little, before she forced a smile in Graham’s direction. 

“Well, we’re both time travellers...Except we meet in reverse. Since the moment I first met him, he’s known everything about me. But as time has gone on, I get to know him more, he starts to know me less and less... One day I’ll meet him and he won’t even know who I am.” 

A chill set in Yaz’s bones. That sounded terrifying. Like a lifelong, inevitable Alzheimer’s, never knowing when the person you love might look straight through you and not even know you’re there. That’s not a fate she’d wish on anyone, especially not the Doctor.

 _But_ , she turned to gaze at the Doctor. The Doctor stared back with her eyes that were misty with tears. _That_ was the face of someone who knew their wife. _So why is she not saying anything?_

“There are exceptions, of course, as with any rules. The last time I saw him, he was the oldest I’d ever seen him. All grey-haired and Scottish. He had truly _terrible_ roots.” River smiled as she spoke, thinking over long lost memories. 

Yaz remembered distinctively, the first time she’d met the Doctor, how she’d said that the last time she’d checked she was a grey-haired Scotsman.

“If you knew that everytime you met it would be at a different point in time and you would eventually have these ‘memory issues’, why didn’t you just stay together? Spend the rest of your lives together and solve the problem.”

The moment he asked, Graham knew it couldn’t be as simple as that, reality never was, but he also knew if he could ever have any time back with Grace he would never let go and leave.

River laughed mirthlessly, not really finding any humour in the situation that was her life.

“I mentioned he was an alien, right? Well, his species, Time Lords, they age a bit slower than us. Being able to change faces every time you die does that for you. The last I knew, he was over 2000. But the always Doctor lies. From the stories he told he could be more than a million years old. Makes spending one meaningful life of a regular human with someone slightly difficult.”

The Doctor would be indignant over the estimations of her age, but she’d long since passed the point of accurately guessing her age. These days she just picked a number that felt right. Some days she felt brand new and other days it was like the weight of the universe held her down and aged her immensely.

Not for the first time, she wished she only lived one human lifespan. Maybe she could have spent that lifetime with River, or Sarah Jane Smith or Rose or even as a best friend to Donna. But in that moment, right there, she would have given anything to spend her entire lifetime travelling the skies with River.

“I’m sorry.” Graham felt remorseful for bringing up the subject. Living your life apart from the one you love, only being able to see them intermittently must be horrific.

“It’s fine. I just sometimes wish that I could see him. Just once without any strings. No rules. No spoilers. And have him tell me that it’ll all work out eventually.”

The Doctor’s hearts stood still and she realised that if nothing else she could do that. She knew about River’s impending death and that she could do nothing to stop it. But if she could do anything at all, she could offer her this, just one more moment where she felt loved. In that moment she made a split second decision that could change the very course of their history together. She just hoped the universe didn’t spontaneously combust because of it.

“River, I-.”

River glanced up at the Doctor, their eyes meeting over the fire. A moment passed, it could have been a lifetime or just a second, the Doctor couldn’t tell. In that second she followed through and opened her lips and said the words that would forever incriminate her.

“Hello Sweetie.”

River’s eyes widened. Her mouth opened momentarily in surprise and her eyes went between scanning the Doctor’s form and searching in her eyes for anything she recognised. She must have found something because he eyes widened and she launched herself over to the Doctor and grabbed her lapels.

“ _Doctor._ ”

The Doctor returned River’s look of wonder, each of them taking the other in fully as though for the first time- which in River’s case it almost was. 

“How is this possible? What happened, my love?”

“Are you referring to me being a woman or the me turning up out of the blue?”

River choked a laugh, same old Doctor; you could never get a straight answer out of him (or _her_ now she supposed).

“You always turn up out of the blue, that’s nothing new. I meant you regenerating, what happened?”

“Oh you know, same old. Danger, Cybermen and a whole lot of running.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me who you were?”

The Doctor sighed, what could she actually say to that? It isn’t like River would have mentioned to her future self about her new regeneration form; she knew better. Nor was the secrecy for River’s sake. The only reason she could summon was a purely selfish one and she knew it. It was to try and save herself, from all of it. Save herself from the hurt and torment of having her wife once again, only for her to taken away. Save herself from just another goodbye.

The Doctor looked into River’s eyes and said the only words she could, “Spoilers.”

“You _bastard_.” 

As if to remind them of their audience, Ryan interrupted defensively, not one to listen to someone bad mouth the Doctor, “Hey! You can’t-“

River without so much as turning her head cut him off, “Hush now, Mummy and Mummy are talking.”

Graham, in his infinite wisdom, sensed the changing mood. He knew from his own experience that an emotional talk like the one they were due probably required a bit more privacy than what they had.

“I think maybe we’ll just leave you to it. You know, a good nights sleep and all.”

He gave a meaningful look to both Ryan and Yaz, cutting off Ryan’s, “But _Gramps-_ “, with a firm head shake. Yaz followed in his footsteps and grabbed Ryan’s arm, dragging him slightly alongside her.

And finally for the first time in centuries, the Doctor was once again alone with her wife.

****

Once alone, a silence fell. One filled of unspoken emotions and memories. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, more an assessing one. Both of them mentally documenting any differences in each other.

Finally, River, whose hands were still wrapped around the Doctor’s lapels,smiled.

“I _love_ the new you, Doctor. Really suits you.”

The Doctor blushed, feeling hot under her skin. She wasn’t used to feeling like this. Her previous regenerations had had more control over their bodily functions evidently, as she couldn’t remember her twelfth or eleventh self blushing to such a degree.

“So you don’t mind then?”

“Why would I mind, my love? You’re you. That’s all I need.”

And with that the Doctor and River kissed. It was everything the Doctor had been longing for since she’d laid her eyes on her wife again. It was love and happiness rolled in to a warm embrace. It was different from how she remembered it being, but then again she remembered being a lot taller last time.

When the kiss broke, both of them gasping a little for air, the Doctor said the words that she always regretted not saying before.

“Melody Pond, I love you.”

River drew back in surprise. For all that she knew the Doctor loved her, from their 24 years together on Darillium, it was still a surprise to hear it voiced aloud. It was something she’d been longing to hear for most of her life, something she never thought she would.

“Doctor, I-“

“No, there’s no need to say anything. I just want you to know, I have never stopped loving you.”

From underneath her rainbow coloured shirt she pulled a necklace and showed it to River.

River felt her breath catch. That was the ring she gave him ( _her_ ) when on Darillium, during their 24 years together on the planet of the Singing Towers. It used to sit snuggly on the ring finger of her grey-haired Scotsman. She had made it for him on one of those nights, so that he could keep her with him forever, and here centuries later the Doctor still had it.

“It...It didn’t fit when I regenerated. But I never stopped wearing it all the same.”

River’s eyes filled with tears and she responded in the best way she could, she drew the Doctor back into an impassioned kiss. Pouring all of her love into it, hoping the Doctor understood.

“Come, Sweetie. Let me take you back home for the night. Before you head on your next adventure.”

The Doctor’s voice trembled towards the end of her sentence but if River noticed she either ignored it or attributed it to emotions from their reunion.

The Doctor took River’s hands in hers, marvelling over how even the feeling of holding hands was different, and lead her wife to the TARDIS.

“I like your friends. They seem nice.” River walked alongside her wife listening to the faint sound of the trees singing in the distance.

“My Fam? Yeah, they’re brilliant. I met them not long after I regenerated. I fell out of the TARDIS onto a train they were on. And they’ve been my best friends ever since. Most likely because I accidentally sent them into space when trying to transport myself back to the TARDIS but they stayed with me anyway.”

River basked in the sound of the Doctor’s voice. She felt her heart ease as the Doctor talked, knowing the Doctor wasn’t travelling the skies alone made her more happy than she could say. But as she thought about the coming and goings of the Doctor’s companions, her mind wandered back to her parents, as it so often did.

“River?”

Having wandered into thinking about her parents, she hadn’t noticed the Doctor’s rambling come to a halt. The Doctor was stopped at her side, peering concernedly into her face. 

From River’s melancholy expression, the Doctor could surmise where her mind wandered off to.

“I miss them too, River...Everyday. They were my best friends. Amelia and Rory Pond, the Girl Who Waited and her Centurion.”

River could feel the emotions welling up in the Doctor, as if the loss was only yesterday. Her grief ebbed, knowing that the Doctor shared it with her, was enough. She tightened her grip on the Doctors hand and smiled at her, conveying her gratitude to her.

Glancing ahead, as they walked she spotted the blue timber of the TARDIS doors in the distance and felt, once again, at home.

As they drew close, the familiar whirring of the TARDIS came into her hearing. The TARDIS doors swung open to allow them entrance, as though recognise her presence.

The Doctor strode in and span on her heel,anxious for her wife’s reaction to the new décor.

River whistled, spinning slowly around to get the whole view. “You’ve certainly done well redecorating, my love.”

River sauntered over to the console, stroking the control boards as she went. Everything was familiar, but in the same way long forgotten memories are; as thoough they were remembered imperfectly. Some controls were in different places and some were in the same place, some were completely different shapes and other buttons were entirely new.

The Doctor watched her get reacquainted with the TARDIS, loving the time River was taking to get to know Sexy again. Excited t showing off the new features of her time machine, she couldn’t help but point out the biscuit dispenser. She looked excitedly up at her wife, as a biscuit fell into her waiting hand.

Returning the with her own smirking expression, River couldn’t help but snip. “You still leave the breaks on though.”

“Hey, I like the noise! It happens to soothe me.”

“I don’t think she feels the same.” She rubbed the console soothingly as she spoke.

The Doctor pouted, her bottom blip poking out beneath her top. It made her look younger than she already did. If it weren’t for the knowledge that the Doctor was at least thousands of years older than her, she would have felt, looking upon her wife’s face, that she was robbing the cradle a little.

“Where’s the _fam_?”

The Doctor, as though she’d only just remembered them, looked around her as if expecting them to be right next to her. 

“Um. Well, I guess they decided to go to bed. Get a goodnights sleep.”

River gave the Doctor a sultry look and pointedly said,”Well, I suppose we should do the same.”

“But I wanted to show you-“

The Doctor’s protest ebbed off as River meaningfully ran her hand along the Doctor’s stomach and up along her arms. 

“ _Oh._ ”

River smiled at the innocence of her wife as she reached and pulled down the straps of her lapels and pulled off her coat, throwing it on floor to the side.

“I guess that can wait till morning then.”The Doctor murmured.

“Yes, my love. I think it can.”

With that, River began leading the Doctor back to where she remembered their room to be.

Blissfully she thought, that at that very moment there’s nowhere else she’d have rather been.

****

The Doctor woke to an empty bed and her hearts skipped a beat.

 “River? _River_?!”

Her breath caught and her chest tightened. _What if River left? What if she never gets a chance to say goodbye? What if-_  

“-Yes, Sweetie?”

River’s head poked into the room, carrying a cup of tea and a biscuits from the biscuit dispenser.

At the Doctor’s expression, River’s dropped and she placed the tea on the side and gathered the Doctor’s hand in her own.

“Doctor?”

The Doctor schooled her face, but her stomach refused to settle. The knowledge of River’s departure sat in the back of her mind and weighed on it.

“Sorry, I ju-just thought you’d left.”

River’s face softened, and she leaned forward to kiss the Doctor lovingly.

“ _Never._ ”

She settled snuggly into the Doctor’s side, soothingly running her hands up and down the Doctor’s arm. “I need to get ready though, I’m due to go in a couple of hours. And I can’t be late; Mr Lux would have my head.”

With that River got up and, kissing the Doctor’s forehead as she went, she left the room. 

The Doctor placed the cup of tea down and breathed in deeply She’d known what she was getting into when she’s said those words, _their words_ , to River. She just need to keep a brave face and make sure River knew how much she was loved.

Blushing slightly, she remembered the night before, where she’d done _everything_ to show how much she loved River. Getting out of bed, she looked in the mirror and assessed the damage. She looked at her neck, which had a deep hickey on the right side that she’d be unable to hide. She shrugged to herself in the mirror, who did she have to hide from? She wasn’t like her eleventh self who had to hide for the sanity of River’s parents. 

She looked at her mussed hair and frowned, now that was something _that_ would have to be changed.

Fifteen minutes later, having transformed herself into a moderately put together look, she headed into the control room to find her wife.

“River?”

As she entered, the heads of Yaz, Graham and Ryan span round in answer. Taking one look at her, Yaz smirked and Graham smiled embarrassedly. While Ryan closed his eyes, opened them again hopefully and groaned.

Acting as unaffected as possible, despite the strong blush painting her cheeks, she scanned the room searchingly.

As if mind reading, Yaz handed over her coat, having picked up the coat that had been haphazardly discarded on the floor the night before.

Coughing, the Doctor took it from her and abashed she determinedly looked everywhere but at Yaz. To break the awkward silence brewing, Graham took the initiative and answered the unspoken question.

“River, left to finish packing the ship. She said to tell you they’ll be leaving soon but that she wouldn’t go without saying goodbye.”

Her previous panic settling in, the Doctor scrambled to the door, pulling her coat on as she did, only staying long enough to shout behind her as she left, “Thanks, Graham!”

Running back towards the expedition trip, the Doctor’s hearts pounded and blood rushed in her ears. 

“River? RIVER?!” 

She turned around the corner and visibly deflated as she spotted the curly hair of her wife five feet ahead, checking the stock list on her clipboard and conducting last minute checks of the outside systems. 

Hearing her name being shouted, her head turned towards the nice and she smiled lovingly. “Hello Sweetie.”

She leaned forward, grabbed a fistful of the Doctor’s coat and kissed her. “I hope I didn’t worry you. I told your _fam_ that I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye and that there was no need to rush.”

“It’s fine, I didn’t hurry. I wasn’t worried.” Her gasping for breath and red cheeks undermined the breezy look she was going for and only served to make her look more exerted.

Amused, River raised her eyebrows thoroughly unconvinced. “So, tell me, my love, why did you run all the way here?”

“I didn’t run- Okay, so maybe I ran all the way here. But I had something I needed to say.”

She took the clipboard out of River’s hand and placed the on the side of the ship, leaving it balancing precariously. 

“I needed to tell you, that when you leave for the Library, you need to send a message and call for me.” 

“What?”

River pulled back, confused, but the Doctor held firmly on her hands. And stated again, with no room for confusion. “You need to send a message on the Psychic Paper and ask me to come to the Library too.”

“Why are you telling me this? What happened to Spoilers?”

“I am telling you because it is important you do so. I am saying this because you _already_ called me there.”

Understanding dawned on River’s face and she smirked, “You must remember the expedition then, is a running one?” 

The Doctor held River’s hands, struggling to keep her face from giving anything away. She remembered the way River looked at her, devastated, when her tenth self asked who she was. She remembered the moment, when cuffed to the pipes, how River electrocuted herself to save all the people trapped in the Library’s database. She couldn’t say any of that to River, so she gulped and looked at River and said, “Spoilers.”

River’s face broke into a grin in response and she said, ”I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Professor Song.” Anita’s head poked out from the side of the ship. She was completely decked out in her spacesuit, her green light from the neck of the spacesuit flashing steadily. “We’re leaving in a minute. You might want to say goodbye.” 

Nodding, she turned back to the Doctor. “I’ll be seeing you soon then.”

The Doctor merely pulled River into a long and desperate kiss, holding her close and trying to commit this moment into her memory. 

“You can’t tell the other me about this regeneration, no one can know.”

“I know, my love. Spoilers.”

“I love you, Professor River Song. With all my hearts.”

“And I love you, Doctor. _My Doctor._ ”

With that, River stepped out of the Doctor’s embrace and boarded the ship.

“I’ll see you soon, _Sweetie_.” 

The ship doors closed and the ship’s engines whirred. Stepping back, her hair blowing into her face, the Doctor stood and watched the ship’s departure. She stared at the disappearing ship until she couldn’t see it anymore.

****

She opened the doors to the TARDIS, devastated. Her hearts braking with every step she took.

Team Tardis where all lounging in the main control room, having decided to give the Doctor the space when saying goodbye to her wife.

Turning, Yaz felt her stomach drop. The Doctor looked wrecked, she had tears strewn upon her face and she looked ashen. Even compared to the moment they had first seen Professor Song, the Doctor had not looked so hopeless.

Trying to cheer her up, she reached out to the Doctor and pulled into a firm hug. Ryan and Graham, looked towards her and moved to join, making the hug a big, long, group bear hug. 

Sniffling, the Doctor fell into the embrace, taking as much comfort as she could from her make-shift family.

“Cheer up, Doc. I know she’s gone now but I’m sure you’ll see her again soon!”

The Doctor sombrely looked over to Graham. “No, Graham. I won’t.”

Yaz, who was still half hugging the Doctor, pulled away in protest, “What do you mean?” 

“What I mean is, is that I won’t see River again. Because today she goes to the Library. Today is the day she dies.” 

It was like the air was sucked out of the room. Suddenly, all of the Doctor’s weird, somber behaviour made sense. The reason she looked like a ghost upon seeing River, was because she was looking at a ghost. In a way. 

“But, how do you know?” Ryan blurted out, “Maybe she doesn’t, maybe you heard wrong.”

“No, Ryan. I didn’t hear anything wrong. I was there. With her, with _my wife_ , when she died. Except...I didn’t know she was my wife at the time... the day she goes, she _went_ , to the Library was the day I met her. She saved my life and countless others by sacrificing herself. I was going to do it, but she knocked me out, strapped herself into the chair. She said she’d rather die because she didn’t want to rewrite our time together, not one line.”

She’d started to cry without realising it and at this point Team Tardis had gathered around her again trying to do whatever they could to help the Doctor, whatever it takes.

It was at that point that the full extent of what had happened in the last day washed over all of them. Graham felt his soul hurt at the thought, that the Doctor had to live through all of that and even through yesterday and not be able to change a thing. _It would take a strong person to get through that, and an even stronger support network._ We will get her through this.

“Doctor, tell us about her. Whatever you want. The good, the bad. If it will help, we’ll listen.”

The Doctor sat on the floor, still crying silently, but from the beginning began to tell them everything about Professor River Song, the most amazing woman she’d ever known.


End file.
